life worth waiting for

So,..Nic is in the private hospital in nebraska now. Half of the necessary 300 grand has been collected. He is in a coma. I've been told that's not a bad thing. I'm trying very hard to grasp all of this, though. The docters are hoping to have a liver for him this week-end.
I'm trying not to hope for someone else's demise ,while anxiuosly awaiting news of a liver coming his way.
For what do I pray? I pray that he can last long enough to wait for a donar. I pray for his friends and community, and (god bless them) strangers to give all they can and fundraise in new and phenominal ways to get the other 150 grand to pay for the surgery that has been held hostage awaiting it's ransome.
I wonder if Nic knows how much we love him. We haven't kept tabs on each-other well enough. When did the random intuitive phone calls stop? When did we start telling ourselves that our hearts were'nt relevant enough to share?...that our probems were'nt big enough to bother our friends with? How many times have i myself stopped short of one number on the phone to complete a call to complain about my simple woes? But isn't that what friends are for? Did Nic need to talk to someone and fear the brush-off? Now that we are "grown-up's" ,it seems that we don't reach out anymore, but i don't think that it's because we don't need to. The rationalization machine in our minds has become oh so sophisticated! It talks us down and drags us down and leaves us alone with our thoughts too much these days. We all mourn the death of one of our own in a different way. But when it becomes destructive when do we tell someone to stop? I hear they drank too much the night of our Elmo's passing. Didn't they see more clearly their own mortality? If we can't try to interfere with demise, how do we call ourselves friends? It's time to actually grow up. To admit we weren't born knowing the answers...and questioning things outloud when we feel we should. I see so many in the world giving up on life because they think they have to...that the world will survive without them. It will never be the same. All of the people we may touch with our light in the future, they go on into darker paths than if we had intercepted them with our love.
Love is not trite or childish or assumed under a hippie guise. Love saves lives every day. I will love as i see fit, and probably more than some people think i ought to, but i will not be consumed by doubt's strangulation hold.I will not be diminished by embarresment to share my love. This love may just help to heal whomever is touched by it. This love is mine to give,and give it i shall.